Single but looking

Well despite been divorced twice, and been in a few long relationships, and having such a bad past i am still looking for a partner.
Not one night stands. been there a few times and short relationships just for sex - carnt help that i like sex - and its right as you get older you do want it more - well for me it is.

But also i want a best friend; someone i can call at the hour of need, or will listen to me moan about life's unfairness, or will advise or calm me and in the opposite spectrum put up with my mad sense of humour and not acting my age, my laziness at life - was always forced to wash up pots straight after dinner or keep the house spotless - hoovering 3 times a day. I like intelligent people - someone who can talk on loads of different subjects, and like me willing to learn more. I like to see life though i must admit some of the things that goes on these days isnt for me - drinking like a fish - carnt do it - hug the toilet with passion if I do. I dont do drugs and after been in a relatiosnhip where the other did, its not for me as you dont go out together for the night - you are alone with a stranger who doesnt care and the after effects area big no no. I want to find someone who enjoys life, sees it as still there is lots to do, and would include me - sorry btu have been on the outside too long.
Liking dogs and kids - my dogs despite their age, and been rescued with a few faults etc have also had to keep me together in the last few months - think before we never gelled - too many issues for us all, but the last few months they have been there for me as i have for them.

I am very independant - will have a go at anything - not often succesfully - no good at electrical things, now doing heavy work, carnt read maps, decorating gets slapped on, and at the mo havent a care about my house - look builders are in next week - should of been last month - back to boxes, things need replacing and the stupid government has put too many obsticles in my way to work - snarl - they havent heard the last of me yet!!!!!! i do take too much on, push myself - trying to prove i am worth something - comes from childhood - puts a lot of men off - would i have time for them etc!

I dont like smoking - have asthma, nor could i live with another who drinks like a fish. All i want is a 'normal' relationship, not too boring as i hate routines, been loved - perhaps my last relationship was the first time i found what it was like to be loved and accepted - well for the first 13 months anyway, two people together with no imabissions, not disrespect for each other, and opened up a new way of life - sadly the ex bf used hobbies and interests to shy away from it coming anyfurther - he did have a lot of hang-ups from his mother and i was his longest girlfriend and knew more about him than anyone before - very sad but thats life.

I know we are all aging etc, so perhaps good looks isnt everything; I myself need to loose weight and tone up again - was just getting to that stage after everything and then got whiplash - so all exercise equipement is getting dust and i carnt start belly dancing - yet. I am not though ashamed of my body - as one of my breasts got very small due to lumps etc and could of turned into cancer - as its now looking more bigger and perhaps thats due to not wearing a bra - think after been attacked one day that caused it been pushed and breaking ribs - not on medical record - no d.v. victim has all their injuries on record.

Also i have been raped twice. something i now dont hide; its effects from been into very sexy underwear to wearing rags became the last effect of it. Something i am changing but well been loved and respected would help. i havent as much trust in anyone these days. there is not such thing as a true friend everyone wants to inflict some sort of hurt; perhaps I am still hurting from my past and just need the nudge in the right direction.

I am not a gold digger; not looking for anyone with loads of money - I see people for who they are - a habbit i developed long ago and influeneced by courses since. money is nice but it carnt buy love and contentment just coldness and a breif thrill. i am training to work; perhaps i need to be in a relationship before i can work if the government doesnt wake its ideas up to lone parents who have no support!

But i am single and I am looking, just need someone who can light my fire - i must admit after the last relationship i am scared of been hurt - maybe physically more than emotionally, cos I dont bounce like i used to, so as someone put it i am sitting on the fence - too afraid to jump into things that end ebfore they have begun - also i have a child, she has been hurt and had so much in her life, she needs to see her mum happy not sad